boys + workout videos = instant entertainment

the bf has begun doing my denise austin workout video with me. i admit, i bullied him into it the first time. i needed to do it, he was home, and i didn't feel like sweating my ass off with him snickering nearby.

and besides, i am sick of him complaining about his ever growing waistline, anyway. over the winter he has built up quite the little budda belly. it needs to go.

the first time, he moaned and groaned and complained. but he got on his workout clothes. and gave it his all. i think he complained more because he felt like he should. i think he secretly wanted to do the workout with me anyway. he's kind of metro-sexual like that.

it was hard to keep my smirks to myself as he threw himself into the exercises. the grunting and groaning and straining to remain upright was hilarious. i swear the man has no balance. no flexiblity. he looked so uncomfortable doing the exercises. but he finished the video. and he did it with me again two nights later.

what a trooper. next up? billy blanks...

Office Space

Peter Gibbons: Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.

i've fallen. and i can't. get. up.

i'm sooooooooooo tired.

benedryl hangover

a few years ago during a particularily depressing time in my life, i was in desperate need of sleep. i saw a shrink who prescribed a number of prescription sleep remedies, none of which did the trick. said shrink then introduced me to the wonders of a little over the counter miracle called benedryl.

the benedryl did what no other drug before it had managed...it granted me sleep. the kind of sleep where you wake up in a puddle of drool, unsure of exactly who you are or what planet you hail from. it was bliss. eventually antidepressents resolved the depression as well as the sleep issue and i no longer needed my friend benedryl to help me into blissful slumber.

years later, a pediatrician clued me in on the useful application of benedryl in getting children to sleep. of course this was only to be used in extreme measures, such as long car trips, or overnight stays in strange places. i would never use it on a night where i just wanted the little buggers to settle down and give me some peace and quiet to keep me from going insane for f sakes! whew.

lately i have been having sleep issues again. tossing and turning throughout the night, waking up and not being able to get back to sleep. so, the night before last, i took two benedryl before bed. yes, two. i didn't want to mess around with just one pill. oh no. i wanted to make sure it WORKED.

i slept like a rock that first night. slept through the entire night. i woke up to my alarm yesterday completely foggy and groggy and my head felt like it weighed a ton. my limbs felt like they were moving in slow motion. actually, i suppose they were. i finally dragged myself out of bed and tried to get on with my day.

at work yesterday, i felt like a zombie. my mouth was like a cotton ball. my eyes were on fire. my head weighed a ton and was pounding incessantly. i was moving very slowly. i broke my new rule and had a cup of bf prescribed mt. dew. no help. it finally dawned on me late morning...i felt like i was hung-over. then, omg! it's the benedryl! i ended up taking yesterday afternoon off. i took a good two hour nap. woke up in a puddle of drool and still pretty groggy.

last night i didn't sleep well again. today i feel the same as i did yesterday.

note to self: just say no to benedryl over doses.

the real meaning of easter

easter=eggs


















right?

will the real easter bunny please stand up?

tonight, the kids had an easter party at their daycare. and below is their picture with, you guessed it, the easter bunny.



after happily posing for pictures, my five year old daughter ky, jumped down, looked at the easter bunny and said accusingly:

"there's gotta be someone in there."

then: "mom, i think there's a teacher in there!"

kids everywhere ran screaming and crying to their parents, the myth of the easter bunny ruined for them all.

kidding

but it was funny, the contrast of the effect of our bunny friend on my three year old son.

as he hopped down from the bunny's lap, my darling son walked backwards, eyes on the bunny and wide with awe, bumping into people as he made his way back to me.

what a difference a couple of years makes.

deep thoughts...

here's one for you BBMG!

when you go in for a job interview, i think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

health news

last night i managed to drag myself through a 2.5 mile run. i was pretty proud of myself that i was able to keep running/jogging the entire time with no walking breaks, since it has been over 2 months since i last went running.

in other health news:

* went for a walk and a bit of jogging with the kids, bf and dog after work. raced the dog home the last block. lost.

* most definitely ingested the daily recommended amount of water. peed. a lot. very clear, thank you.

* resisted the majority of goodies brought in for a co-workers birthday. couldn't resist the cheese dip. thanks, BBMG.

* did not drink one single sip of regular soda. this includes the daily mountain dew habit i had aquired over the last two months. fell asleep under desk, but avoided empty calories.

stay tuned for even more exciting health updates yet to come...

waterlogged

wa·ter·logged [waw-ter-lawgd, -logd, wot-er-]

–adjective

1. so filled or flooded with water as to be heavy or unmanageable, as a ship.
2. excessively saturated with or as if with water: waterlogged ground; waterlogged with fatigue.
3. a.k.a. Domestically Disabled Girl.

along with my rejuvenated exercise plan and goal to lose 10 pounds, i am trying to drink more water. this morning, i successfully mananged to ingest five cups of the complimentary ice water company t so kindly provides us with. and i swear to you, i have um...released twice as much. wtf? how can i get anything done here when i am running to the bathroom every five minutes!

wait...i get it now! they (the evil they) recommend the water because it forces me to get my arse up and moving as i go back and forth from the restroom countless times.

those sneaky bastards.

party gals part 2

i promised to report on the "toy party" i went to on friday. so here goes...

i rode to the party with two of my old work pals, m & t. i haven't hung out with them in quite a while and can actually go a whole week or more at work without even running into them. we had a bit of a "falling out" almost a year ago, and things haven't been the same since then. t & i have slowly started to chat a bit again, but things won't ever be the same with us.

anyway, they were kind enough to let me ride with them. i wasn't particularily looking forward to the drive. the party was almost a half an hour away. what would we have to talk about for a half an hour? turns out it went just fine. t & i chatted up a storm while m occasionally chimed in from the back seat. all was well.

we were the first to arrive at the party and we immediately started pouring down the alcohol. i knew i was going to need the liquid courage for a sex toy party with co-workers.

there were a total of eight guests. all from work. and every single one went straight for the booze. after everyone had a good base down, we finally assembled in the host's cozy living room. i piled onto a little couch with two others.

then the toy show began! she started out pretty tame. lotions for shaving, some pheromone oil that was supposed to make everyone "happy". before long she was passing around all kinds rubbery toys and flavored lotions and potions. it was hilarious to watch everyone's reactions.

the girl next to me was snickering like a school girl and pointing out things like the "tickle his pickle" book from the catalog. and then she snickered some more.

another whom i would generally consider a prude was asking serious questions and wanting recommendations from the host and from the group. and what the hell, i gave her a few tips.

yet another chimed in with the occasional comment about her own apparently active sex life. (who would have guessed she ever even had sex?)

the party turned into a total riot. everyone hooting and hollering and laughing. it was pretty fun. even though they were all co-workers and i hardly knew some of them.

the party ended fairly late for this old gal, and we didn't get out of there till close to 11:00. after the party, everyone decided to head out to the bar. i was buzzing, feeling pretty good. i was totally game for more.

as we were getting ready to leave, it appeared that one of our party was a bit reluctant to head for the bar. she made some comment about how she "wouldn't be getting any" unless she went right home. whoa! too much information!

all in all it was a pretty fun night. i'm actually glad that i went. and i'm looking forward to receiving my "goodies".

today i start...

today i start my get in shape again/weight loss plan. i admit it...i let things lapse over the winter. i ate whatever i wanted. i drank whatever i wanted. my running habit dwindled away to nothing. now i am left with an extra 8-10 pounds of winter flab.

the lovely sixes in my closet have remained folded and unmoved for months. it is unfortunate that all of my spring clothes are, you guessed it, sixes. and even more unfortunate that i oh-so-smartly got rid of all the larger sizes i wore as i transitioned down from my all time high of 12-14. i figured keeping only the smaller size would force me to stay on top of things. needless to say, this didn't work.

i refuse to go out and buy a wardobe of spring clothes in a larger size. i won't do it. i can't do it. really. instead i will get my butt outside for walks and activities with the kids after work. i will start running again. i will do my strength training tape with that annoying bitch, denise austin.

i will make it happen!

hunk 'o burnin' love

today, the bf sent me this. taken at his desk. with his mac.




don't you just love technology? and sexy boys with a great sense of humor?

not exactly productive

today, i am not a productive worker. i am not getting a whole lot done. maybe it's because it is absolutely gorgeous outside. gorgeous and distracting. i can feel the warmth of the sun beating down from the window behind me. all i can think is that i would like to get out of here and get out there. go to a bar with a patio. drink a fruity concoction adorned with a paper umbrella.

one hour, eight minutes and counting...

rollerblades?

so, the latest is that the bf wants to get some of these:





(i would assume that his would not be pink.)

i'm not convinced that the whole rollerblading thing is a great idea. isn't rollerblading for those cute little college girls with the spandex shorts and sports bras? the bleach blondes who seem to float effortlessly around the university campus? while men young and old (especially old) ogle them?

i have these visions of my thirty year old butt out there, trying to look as hot as those young girls...and failing miserably. blocking the trail after falling on my ass. after falling to remain upright.

and is there really exercise value in rollerblading? perhaps there is for me, just trying to keep my balance will probably be an act of God.

why can't the bf be into running?

party gals part 1

tonight i am going to a "party gals" party. you know, the kind of party where they sell...ahem..."toys". for adults. oddly enough, i have never been to one of these toy parties before. i have been invited but there were always other events that prevented me from going. not so, tonight. i am going. albeit reluctantly.

first of all, the name "party gals" is a bit of a turn off for me. gals??? c'mon people! are we living in 1940? i'm pretty sure the women of the 40's didn't have toy parties. or know what toys were. or even what sex was for that matter. gals makes me think of grandmas. who wants to be thinking "grandma" as they shop for sex toys?

secondly, take a look at their website. (only if you are at home!) it's well...cheesy. and they don't give good information about their items. go to the "pure romance" site and you almost feel classy as you browse for anal beads and flavored lube. not so on the good ole' party gals sight. its a bit obnoxious.

thirdly, (yes, thirdly) the party is being given by someone i work with. which means she has invited other people from work. i'm not sure i want to know what kind of vibrator jane is using, or that darcy is into feathers, or that jenny already owns half the collection. or whatever. i don't want to even think about them having sex, much less see what they buy. eeww. it's just not a sexy thought. at all.

but, i am going. because i like the girl who is throwing the party. and because she is so excited to be starting her new "business". and because i can't bear to see her sad little puppy-dog eyes if i tell her i'm not going. and yes, i admit, i am very curious about their, uh, products.

i may need to down a couple of quick ones before heading off to the party. a little liquid courage down the gullet.

stay tuned for more on the party...

anticipation

you know how sometimes, when you are waiting for something for a really long time, and then it finally happens, and it's just not quite what you were hoping for?

i really hate it that.

wrong

why is it that though i am the one being denied my, ah...physcial needs, the bf is the one walking around acting like someone died? all pouty and sad and quiet. wtf? i am the one who should be pouting here, people! i am the one feeling undesirable. he should be strutting around like a peacock, knowing that his woman wants him.

this role reversal is baffling to me.

rough patch

so, bf and i have definitely hit a rough patch. it's not that we aren't getting along at the moment...we are. but we have had some serious discussions in the last couple of days. tonight we got onto the topic of his cheating. not in an accusatory way, but i told him that i am probably going to go to counseling. because seriously people, it has WRECKED my self esteem. there is a lot i have been able to get past, but there is some i think i need help with. because i want to make us work, for all the good stuff we have. and we do have a lot of good stuff.

the bf has gone to counseling before himself, and was mocking it a bit. saying the counselor would tell me to "rid myself of the baggage, blah blah blah..." meaning ridding myself of him. whatever.

anyway, i was taking serious issue with the fact that he doesn't think what he did was actually cheating. he said it doesn't count because "his heart wasn't in it." and "it wasn't like he went out looking to cheat." lame. totally lame. i don't think i need to waste time telling you why these are both extremely lame excuses. so i won't.

the end

my deadly sins

Your Deadly Sins

Wrath: 40%

Envy: 20%

Gluttony: 20%

Lust: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Greed: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You will die in prison, in a puddle of your own blood.

How Sinful Are You?

after posting this i realized it looks oddly reminicent of a nutritional label. i suppose it sort of is though...it's a label of the contents of me.

i wonder which of my transgressions will land me in prision?

let's get the party started!

here i sit, waiting for bf to relieve me of my shift with the kids so i can go party it up with my fave co-worker, a! it's her birthday! the bf was supposed to be home an hour ago. but of course, he is late again. so here i sit, all dressed up and no place to go.

*also, obviously so bored that i sat here taking pictures of myself. sad. but hey, it's not very often i take the time to curl my lovely locks! gotta document it somehow!

reflections

i started this blog as a venting tool. i just wanted to get my relationship issues written down, it helps me think so much better. it's easier for me to sort things out when i write. and it's always interesting, (though sometimes embarrassing) to look back on what i thought a day, week or even a few months ago.

bf and i are doing fine. i definitely think our relationship is better now that it was six months ago. there is much less fighting and much more understanding of each other's wants, needs and quirks. our relationship started out different from any other i've ever had. that is to say...it started out rocky. very rocky. most relationships start out all fairy-tale like. not ours. we had issues from the beginning. maybe that comes from the fact that we are both divorced, both have our own kids. maybe it's because the bf is the most confrontational person i have ever dated, much less been friends with. it was sort of a rude awakening. and refreshing at the same time. my ex husband would never tell me what he was mad about. it drove me crazy. that is one thing i usually don't have to worry about with the bf. he is not afraid to tell me what i am doing wrong. which is fine, i've never had a problem telling him what he's doing wrong, either. we're also very good at telling each other what we are doing right. and lately that list is getting longer for both of us.

i feel like the "only" issue left to conquer is trust. i know, that's a pretty big one. but no matter what anyone says, it is tough to get over the feeling of betrayal when someone cheats. it definitely get's better, less raw. but there are times when the pain of it is still very real, very acute. maybe it's worse in our case because the "affair" went on for a while. it wasn't just some stupid one night stand, where someone got drunk and got carried away. it was longer term. written via im. and i had the misfortune to read the emotional exchanges between them. and no matter if he says it was all for show. there were things i read that still pop into my head and hurt. deeply. there is no point in recounting them here.

will i ever really be able to get over it? i'm still not sure. i rarely bring it up to him anymore. it's more of an inner struggle for me. overall i am very happy with the bf. but there is always that question in the back of my mind. is he chatting again? with her? with anyone? or when he stays late at work: is she there too? has he broken his promise and started communicating with her again? because even the thought of a "hi" or a secret smile between them makes me ill.

i spent some time with my sis, (we'll call her teacher) last weekend and she definitely helped to build my ego. there was some hot guy that was eyeing me (?) at the restaurant bar we were drinking at. she wanted me to talk to him. and I kept saying how he was too hot for me anyway. teacher kept saying "no, he isn't, blah blah blah." then she said "shades (her hubby) said you are looking really good these days, and you could get most any guy you wanted." (granted, this would be 30+ guys.) kind of weird for my brother-in-law to say to my sister, his wife. even more weird that she relayed it. but hey...i'll take it! i lost 30 pounds about a year and a half ago. i feel like i've earned the compliments. and i figure this is one that it won't hurt to slip to the bf!

smarter than a fifth grader?

You Are Not a Dumb American

You got 8/10 correct. You know a good deal about American history, but there's some basic facts you have wrong. Time to go back to history class!

Are You a Dumb American?

happy early birthday a!

happy birthday to my fave co-worker, a! i hope i am able to come out and party it up with you tonight!

you need a what?

last night while the bf was downstairs showering, i heard a shout. i didn't go downstairs and check on him. bf can be really dramatic, and he also likes to sing...loudly and off-key. i figured it was one or the other.

about ten minutes later i heard him shuffling up the stairs from the basement, moving very slowly. as he rounded the corner at the top of the stairs, i saw that he was bent over, caveman style. he looked absolutely pathetic. in pain. agony. he explained that he had hurt himself in the shower. while trying to lift his leg and wash his foot. how does one not laugh at that vision?

he made it over to the bed and sat down. it took him literally ten minutes to move from one side of the bed to the other. we got him situated with a heating pad under his back and a pillow under his knees. i grabbed him some advil and he popped three of them.

he looked over at me with puppy dog eyes and said...

"so, do you think we need to call an ambulance?"

are you serious?

why is it that men always think they are dying when they are not feeling well? when i'm not feeling well i'm still expected to make dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, get the kids bathed and to bed... and maybe give a blow job. i think i was born the wrong gender.

proud to be an ass

You Are 64% Democrat

You have a good deal of donkey running through your blood, and you're proud to be liberal. You don't fit every Democrat stereotype, but you definitely belong in the Democrat party.

How Democrat Are You?

wow, that's old!

yesterday i took the day off work to spend with my daughter. she had kindergarten round-up! man, did that make me feel old. and sad. i could barely hold back the tears as i dropped her off at the elementary school classroom for her 1.5 hour visit. sometimes i'm such a sap.

co-workers who find out i have children are often surprised. "you have kids? you don't look old enough to have kids." really? have you seen the strech marks on my tummy? the bags under my eyes? the kid-snot on my nice dry clean only coat?

i am now thirty years old. thirty. i still get carded when i go to buy alcohol. which at this point, actually flatters me. not sure if i should really be flattered, but i am. when i'm not annoyed at having to dig out my license.

yesterday at walmart (please don't tell anyone i went shopping there) the clerk carded me. " you don't look that old!" she exclaimed as she looked at it. wow. should i be upset that she thinks thirty is old, which makes me old? or should i be happy that she doesn't think i look thirty?

what a conundrum.

that's more like it!

You Are a Mai Tai

You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive. And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

seriously?

last night when the kiddos got back from their dad's house, my five year old, ky, told us that her brother had been really naughty to her while they were there. she said that when her dad was in the shower, her three year old brother had done the following:

1. hit her.
2. punched her.
3. bit her. twice.
4. threw a shoe at her.
5. kicked her.
6. spit at her.

this is basically the exact same story she told last time they got home from their dad's. and ko got in BIG trouble. i think she enjoyed that. needless to say, we were a slight bit suspicios about her tale last night. so, the bf and i decided to quiz her a bit. the following is based on our actual exchange.

us: "so, ky...your brother was naughty to you again?"

ky: "yes!"

us: "what did he do to you?"

ky: "he hit me, and he punched me, and he spit in my eyes, and he kicked me, and threw a shoe at me, and he bit me here and here."

us: "really?"

ky: "yes." (looks all sad)

us: "so, did he kick you in the knee?"

ky: "yes."

us: "did he kick you in the other knee?"

ky: "yes."

us: "did he kick you in the back?"

ky: "yes."

us: "how about in the stomach?"

ky: "yes."

us: "did he throw a shoe at you?"

ky: "yes."

us: "did he throw four shoes at you?"

ky: "yes."

us: "really? four shoes?"

ky: "uh huh." (looks a bit worried)

us: "did he throw eight shoes at you?"

ky: "yes." (starting to sweat)

us: "are you sure? he really threw eight shoes at you?"

ky: nods.

us: "wow. that's a lot of shoes."

ky: "uh huh."

us: "are you sure all of this happened?"

ky: "yes..." (looks a bit nervous)

a bit more quizzing revealed that my dearest daughter had been lying through her teeth about her brother. thank goodness the bf was there with me, because i found the whole exchange to be hysterically funny. i felt like we were laywers. for the prosecution. i could barely contain my giggles.

seriously.

nooner!

wow. i love hot, spontaneous, lunch time sex. and i really love going back to work giggling like two little kids with a naughty secret. oh happy, happy day! everyone negative stay out of my way!

i'm a what?

You Were a Peacock

You carry yourself with beauty, dignity, and confidence. You are able to see the past, present, and future with clarity.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

oooooo!!!! too funny! me? see the past, present and future with clarity? um...hello? have you seen my blog people?

you'll notice though, i am not disputing the part about beauty, dignity and confidence.

happy friday.

mcdonalds rules the world

ahh...the glorious happy meal. the 500+ calorie, 25 grams of fat convenience food of which our children are so fond. as american as apple pie and baseball. tonight, i have given in to the lure of the easy meal. my children are sitting at the table right now, eating mcnuggets to their hearts' content. although i doubt their hearts are actually content. they are probably working overtime and pissed as hell.



i have a love-hate relationship with the happy meal. i hate mcdonalds. hate. it. i especially hate their supid commericals. by the time she was two my daughter would sing the little "baa baa baa" ditty every time she caught a glimpse of the golden arches. probably before she could even say mamma. actually, i'm pretty sure it was before she said mamma. and i don't think she had ever even eaten there.

the marketing machine that is mcdonald's rules the world and most of us don't even know it. we are oblivious. until something like this happens:







* * *







ronald mcdonald. the most recognized figure in america. i rest my case.

that lovin' feeling

a first in the history of my relationship with the bf: he's mad about lack of sex. um, yeah.

the bf and i have been dating almost a year. we have been sex fiends from the beginning. it's awesome. i thouroughly enjoy being a sex fiend.

the last time we...you know...was saturday. during the day. i love daytime sex.

the last few nights i have been really tired and generally just not in the mood. i feel asleep before anything happened. last night i read a book while bf was next to me in bed. sleeping. i thought?

this morning while in bed he muttered...."do you not find me sexy anymore?" sometimes bf is such. a. girl. "of course i find you sexy sweetie! i'm sorry!" i kissed and groveled. apparently it did no good.

bf ignored me all morning at work. i played the childish game of "hanging up" on him im style, after parting words of "sorry for bothering you." no response. so i went invisible.

i developed a severe headache over the course of the morning. i waited till noon and didn't hear anything from bf. so i left. and didn't go back to work after lunch. he called around two. i didn't bother answering. no message.

he just called again around three thirty. i answered. this is when i confirmed that yes, he is indeed mad about being "ignored" the last two nights. good grief. give a girl a break. and is it really worth getting that pissed about? because i mean, man...nothing is sexier than a pissed off bf, right?

till death do us part?

it's incredibly ironic that i work for a company that is huge into the wedding invitation business. traditional weddings and all the cheesy hoopla surrounding them have never been my thing. when i was ready to say my vows, i eloped and got married in vegas. granted, the marriage only lasted 5 years, but i don't believe it would have mattered if i had had a huge church wedding with all the trappings. and i honestly don't think God cared that i didn't have a four tiered, buttercream frosted, chocolate drizzled cake to serve some 300+ guests. my ex husband and i were just not destined to make it.

it's not only weddings that i am not into these days, it's marriage itself. maybe not even marriage, but long term relationships in general. i have had several long term relationships in my life. two years here, five years there...seven more here. i don't believe in men anymore. as much as i love my bf, and i know he wants to marry me, and he says he wants to grow old together, i don't buy it. i'm sure he means it right now. but i can't make myself belive he will still feel that way five, ten or twenty years from now.

he will get bored...maybe cheat again. become addicted to online chatting, or get wrapped up into something like that "second life" website. he will stop wanting to hang out with me and go back to working all the time. he won't find me sexy and will need porn to put him in the mood. he will oogle other women in front of me.

and it's not just him. i feel like it would be like that with anyone. i have lost my faith in the long term, monogomus relationship.

or maybe i am just going through some messed up, 30 year old midlife crisis.

let it snow

these are pictures of the view out of my townhome window today. probably doesn't look like much to all you die hards up north, but this is the most snow we southerners have seen in years! i am hoping it hangs around just long enough for us to take all of the kids out sledding.

i heart my daughter

ky, my little poser, my mini-me. the one who talks so cheerfully non-stop on the way to daycare and work every morning. the one who gives her mommy random hugs and kisses or shouts "i love you mommy!" out of the blue. the one who has made literally hundreds of pictures to decorate my "office". i always think i am ready to have the weekend off... but i miss you when you are gone.

say my name, say my name...

so, tonight bf called me by the wrong name again. he called me by his ex-wife's name. it has happened once before. granted, we had just been talking about her a few mintues before. still! then he has the gall to be defensive and pissy at me when i teased him for looking up topless pictures of a girl from american idol. what more can i say?