can't...do...it

i can't do it. i can't go to the wedding. i just want to crawl into my bed and hide under the covers. the bf isn't being sympathetic. i want sympathy. i need sympathy. i need understanding. this is worse for me than it is for him. really, it is. they all love her. think she's just effing perfect. i will be on display. the whole day. i look better than her, but that isn't the problem. and i'm not being arrogant, that's just a fact. but i'm not good at being stared at. i didn't have a wedding for that very reason. when i got married, i went to vegas. they were married for ten years. everyone knows her. no one knows me. we will both likely be in the family pictures they are taking. i don't want to do this. i can't do this. i won't do this. i quit.