* to biff: buy some of your own damn lotion! i am sick of you coming over to my desk asking to use my lotion because your hands are sooooo dry. i don't care about your hands. they can dry and flake and crack until they fall off for all i care. really. i don't like you. i'm serious.
*to bubbles: if you don't stop your fake giggling, i'm going to club you over the head with my ruler. or maybe i'll just whip my stapler over my cubicle wall and listen to the satisfying cluck it's sure to make when it connects with your melon. i think that might make me feel better. in fact, i'm pretty sure it would.
* to stinky: when you use the bathroom to relieve your, um, digestive system, please be courteous and make it quick. i do not appreciate being assaulted with the odor of your rotting bowels while i make one of my multiple trips to potty. and for God sakes, use the damn deodorizing room spray. better yet, go use the bathroom down in the basement. there are only like, three people working on that floor. better to disrupt three than thirty. especially when yours truly is part of the thirty.
* to management: i have a life outside of work. really, i do. please refrain from giving me projects with a 1-2 day deadline. i don't appreciate working until 12:30 a.m. even if i am at home in bed with the laptop and a beer. i cannot guarantee the quality of work that is done in this manner.
* to ms. brown-noser: maybe you should make your ass-kissing a little more obvious. cuz that email you sent out about how we should get our department together and volunteer as a group to work for FREE for our "sister" company and oh won't it be so much fun tra la la wasn't plain enough. i don't think the manager got it.
* to mr. company president: if you are going to hold an "open forum" all employee meeting, be prepared for people to actually speak their minds and (horror of horrors) ask you unplanned questions. don't reprimand people after the meeting just because they put you on the spot or made you uncomfortable. the truth hurts. if you didn't want an open forum, don't ask for it. go ahead and live in your la la land. maybe you should hook up with bubbles.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
You are so right on! I wish I had time to post my own rants, but I unfortunately have too much going on right now. Bah!
it's all about prioritizing my dear, technically i don't have time either. *wink
Hilarious, DDG. I loved the "to management." You know, people in our field only have so much juice to give. It's not like ... certain other fields.
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
Post a Comment