my 15 minutes of fame

Here are the very thought-provoking interview questions sent to me by my favorite blogosphere author, the talented and lovely Maurey Pierce.

1) You have two gorgeous children. Which was worse, being pregnant or giving birth? Why? (Please use the words "placenta," "belly," and "epidural" in your answer.)

Giving birth was definitely worse than being pregnant. I kind of liked being pregnant, even though I got absolutely HUGE while pregnant with my first child. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. I gained almost 50 pounds. I have so many ugly stretch marks on my belly now that I will NEVER again be seen in a bikini, even though I am now 75 pounds lighter than I was while preggo and in better shape than I've been in for over 10 years.

Read this: when I birthed my darling little babies, the hospital in my city did not offer epidurals. For real. I had to go virtually drug free. I don't recommend it. What I do recommend however, is having the doctor show you the placenta after you have the baby. For real. Because hey, how many people can say they've seen a placenta up close?

2) This is a common one, but it's a good one. If Iran called up W tomorrow and said that "the bomb" was on its way to our Midwestern homes, what would you serve up for dinner? (You can use a combination of homemade and restaurant fare, if you like.) And who would you invite to share in the feast?

Appetizers: Unlimited chips and salsa from our local mexican restaurant. Cauliflower with veggie dip. Ruffles potato chips with Top the Tater for dipping. Bacon wrapped water chesnuts. Taco dip and tortilla chips.

Salad: Olive Garden

Main Course: Chicken lettuce wraps, beef and broccoli, lemon chicken and white rice from PF Changs. Cheesy potatoes. Mushroom stroganoff from Noodles & Company. Crab legs. Broiled scallops. Chicken fettuccini alfredo. Lasagna.

Drinks: Straberry Daquaris, Peach Margaritas, Cherry Coke, Muscato di Asti wine.

Bread: Oodles and oodles of breads. Yum. Oh, and bagels too.

Dessert: Every kind of cheesecake imaginable. Oh, and those frosted cut-out cookies from that bakery in Fort Dodge, Iowa that my KC BFF brought for me at Christmas time. They are to die for!

Cigarettes: Marlboro Lights. (No, I don't smoke anymore, but hey, if we're going to die anyway, why not puff a few?)

The guest list:
The bf
My children and the bf's children
My sisters and their families
My mom, stepdad and grandparents
My bff's

Nope, no one famous. I do like my trashy tabloid website and occasional people magazine, but I have absolutely no celebrity crushes or obsessions.


3) Would you rather ... be born with a refrigerator on your back, or have your saliva permanently transmuted to urine? As any high school English teacher would say, you gotta back up your answer.

Though it might be fun to spew saliva at certain poeple, I'd have to choose being born with a refrigerator on my back. Think of what a hit I would be at parties!

"Hey DDG, can you grab another cold one for me baby?"

"Sure!" I would reply. "Just reach into the handy dandy refrigerator on my back and grab one."

"Thanks DDG, you're the best! I've never met a girl like you before. Wanna move into my double wide trailer and be my personal mobile fridge?"

Okay, so maybe that wouldn't be so great, but here is an actual benefit:
Food anytime I want it. And then working it off by lugging around the weight of the fridge and it's contents.

4) You spend a lot of time on your blog talking about your relationship with the bf. What are the top five things about him that make you crazy? How about the top five things that make you get all squishy inside?

What drives me crazy about the bf:

1. I hate, hate, hate when he sets his empty pop cans, wrappers and the like on the counter. We have a little something called a recycle bin. Please use it! We also have something called a garbage. Do I need to spell this out to him?

2. He is NEVER on time. I mean NEVER. And we're not talking minutes here.

3. He is a big procrastinator.

4. He is a work-aholic.

5. His laptop is an appendage.

Now for what I love:

1. He cries at sappy movies and reaches for my hand.

2. He brings me little gifts, just to let me know he is thinking of me. A magazine, a cd, a book or some other sweet little trinket.

3. He likes to cuddle.

4. He tells me he loves me all the time, even when his friends are around.

5. He can make me laugh till I cry.

5) Finally ... you've lived a long and fruitful life. Well, okay, not THAT long. :-) If you died tomorrow, what would your epitaph read?

Here lies DDG,
she gave it her all,
she experienced a lot
and had an effing ball.

or this one might be fun too:

Don't tread on me,
laying under the grass,
and don't you dare pee,
or I'll come haunt your ass.

Okay, okay, I'll stop now.

I think most of my blogosphere pals have already done this, but if anyone wants me to interview them, just post and let me know!