office space

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work... so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh heh - and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

breakthrough

last night after the stupid incident, the bf and i had a serious breakthough. after the dumb issue with the button and me getting mad, we made up. when he got home he sat down and talked me through the whole situation, from beginning to end. as the comment from anonymous stated, it wasn't about me. i sort of get that now. while it was happening, it wasn't about me at all. it started out as a little im flirting and continued to progress to sexual talk. it was thrilling for him, a rush. what shocking thing could he say next? what more could he get away with? he told himself it wasn't wrong, it was just typing. he was just messing with a friend, trying to see how much she would let him get away with. he really didn't feel guilty about any of it, up until they kissed. that's when reality started to set in. he felt like it had gone too far. he backed off a bit but continued some of the im stuff until eventually it wound back down to light flirting. the two of them tried to put it behind them and pretend it didn't happen. he didn't think i would ever find out. but as we all know, i did find out, and i felt cheated. he feels horrible about what the whole thing did to me. i believe that. he isn't going to let it happen again. i believe that too. now, if i can just put the crazy stuff and jealousy behind me...

50 things i love about the bf

despite the recent very negative happenings and posts, there are many things i do love about the bf:

1. I can tell him anything.
2. I love his laugh.
3. I love his smile.
4. He cries at sappy movies.
5. He is funny.
6. His imagination.
7. He is creative.
8. He is not afraid to be silly.
9. He can always make me feel better when I am down.
10. He is passionate about everything he does.
11. He likes to shop.
12. He loves music.
13. He is H-O-T!
14. There is no one I would rather snuggle with!
15. He is ambitious.
16. He is open-minded.
17. His lists. (Yes, I think they are cute)
18. He is a great friend.
19. He brings me little treats and surprises.
20. He tells me he loves me every day, more than once.
21. He gives the best hugs EVER!
22. He makes me feel safe.
23. He is a great dad.
24. I love his kids.
25. He likes to try new things.
26. Amazing lovin’!
27. He went on a vacation with me!
28. He is willing to do it again!
29. He helps me with the kids.
30. He sticks up for me.
31. He protective of me and our kids.
32. He is forgiving.
33. He is always willing to change.
34. He has already changed so much!
35. He thinks everything is possible.
36. His love of movies.
37. We can talk, and talk, and talk, and talk...
38. He challenges me and debates with me. (without getting mad)
39. He mixes up clichés.
40. He (mostly) makes me feel valued and loved.
41. His mac obsession.
42. He is kind.
43. He sticks up for the little guy.
44. He listens.
45. He values my thoughts and opinions.
46. He is outgoing.
47. He works hard.
48. He leaves me little notes and doodles.
49. I love the way he smells.
50. He has stuck this out, even through the tough times.

these are the reasons i am willing to try and get past what he did. these are the reasons and more are why i am willing to try and trust him again. don't get me wrong, he broke my heart, and there is nothing easy about living with what he did. i am hoping that in time the hurt and anger will diminish and we are able to make this work.

on the bright side...

the bf and i got along well today despite the stress and two situations that could have exploded into large fights. here's to hoping we can continue to get along well this weekend!

the dog ate my...dime?

ky lost her tooth at daycare today. the ex bastard picked the kids up after school today, so i didn't get to see ky and her tooth until he dropped them off at home around 7:30 tonight. as soon as she walked in the door, ky proudly flashed a ziplock baggie containing her miniscule baby tooth and a shiny dime. "look mom, the tooth fairy already gave me a dime!" i didn't even bother asking how the tooth fairy had found her during a two hour visit to her dad's. later on, in true older sister fashion, ky was arrogantly flashing her lucky dime at her younger brother. in swoops the dog. my phone call with the bf was interrupted by ky's desperate whine..."mom, the dog ate my dime!"

office space

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.

are there alligators down there?

this morning as i was putting on my face, my three year old son was in the bathroom next to me, perched on his stool. he was busy washing his hands and chattering about who-knows-what. he shut off the water and peered into the sink, then looked up at me. he looked back at the sink and said in a dead-pan, serious voice: "mom, are there alligators down there?" alligators, indeed.

bf saves the day!

yesterday i woke up in a horrible mood. not horrible, crabby, but horrible, hopeless. my favorite co-worker is out of town, which makes work suck more than ever. i was dwelling on the cheating and generally not feeling like i wanted to be around the bf at all. all i wanted to do was crawl into bed and stay there forever. my morning slowly deteriorated until all i could think about was curling into a ball under my desk. the bf had stopped down at my desk and told me he was going out with co-workers for someone's birthday lunch. fine. i really didn't want to hang out with him anyway. better to be alone and wallow in my sorrow. my phone rings at about noon. it's the bf. he is riding on his way to lunch with some woman co-workers. i was told it was supposed to be all guys, but whatever. the girls he's with are harmless (i think?) and really, i don't want to go. he asks me to meet them at the restaurant. i say no. he then proceeds to ask me another five times. (he didn't know girls were invited) i really don't want to go. he asks again. it will be fun, he says. right. but fine, i'll go. i drive the the restaurant feeling like sort of a dork, i'm going there alone and walking into a group of people i don't know all that well. bf has saved a spot for me and looks genuinely happy to see me. lunch turns out to be really fun. it helps to improve my mood. the bf and i go home and let the dog out together and act silly. my mood improves even more. we trade fun im's at work all afternoon. i'm feeling even better. we pick up the kids together after work, grab some groceries and then cook together very amicably. after the kids are in bed we um...well...have even more fun. i fall into a contented sleep. bf saves the day!

tied in knots

my stomach is tied in knots, i swear. bf still hasn't written "the letter". you know...the letter i requested and he agreed to write to the "friend" that he cheated on me with. the letter saying dear "friend", i am writing to let you know that i am very much in love with my girlfriend. and because i am very much in love with my girlfriend i can no longer be friends with you. our relationship from here on out has be be strictly business and even that will be limited. what we did was a huge mistake and i regret it more than i can ever put into words. it is the worst thing i have ever done in my life. i just about lost the best thing i have ever had because of this. i don't want to lose her and will not do anything to jeopardize my relationship with her again. i want to spend the rest of my life making this up to her. (you catch my drift) anyway, the deadline for said letter is today. TODAY. it is now 3:23 pm and nothing. i have already given him a couple of reminders this week. he knows i expect the letter to be written by TODAY. time is running out and i refuse to give another reminder. tick tock, tick tock.

on the bright side...

my sick pay and vacation has reset for the new year! hmmm...i think maybe tomorrow i will develop the flu...

smiling

this short but sweet little tidbit involves bf's children, m & n and my five year old daughter, ky. the kids were all in ky's room, and i could hear their antics from my perch the living room.

sounds: "ping, ping, whap! ping, ping, whap!"

ky: "nooo!!! stop it, m! you're huring her!"

m: "look ky, she's not hurt, she's still smiling!"

i peek into the room to see the boys shooting ky's large, stuffed, smiling dora doll with a nerf gun.