the damage

um, thank God she's not a troll?

this weekend ky got into a little trouble at the our local Target. she ran way off ahead and we lost track of her. once we were reunited, the bf had a serious talk with her about what could happen to her if she ran off and someone "took" her.

the bf: blah blah blah..."why do you think we don't want to lose you?"

ky: (very seriously) "because i'm cute?"



sometimes i can't believe the things that come out of that child's mouth!!!

upon hearing the minister mention communion...

my children and i rarely go to church, for numerous reasons that i will avoid getting into right now. this weekend my little darlings went to church with my mom, who told me that at the end of the service she was absolutely sweating from trying to keep them quiet and under control. i'm thinking she won't ask to take them again. upon hearing the minister mention communion, here was my daughter's reaction:

"bread? good! bread! i'm hungry! is it beer bread?"

i couldn't even make this up.

two is better than one

so, my children met the lesbian couple and their daughter for the first time over the weekend. i wondered if my daughter would ask me any questions about it. nothing at all was said until sunday morning at the breakfast table, said couple was sitting right across from us.

"mom, does olivia have two moms?" she asked in her loudly curious little voice.

"ah, yes ky, oliva has two moms. isn't she lucky?"

silence

"i want two moms!"

sorry honey, no can do...

modern day family

the wedding event this past weekend was delicious fare for all of the small town gossips in attendance. you could just see them soaking it all in with delight. i bet they had a very good response rate to their invitations. here are just a few of the highlights:


1. the bf and his sister are Korean. they were adopted together when the bf was five and his sister was two.

2. the bf's adopted mom passed away about six-seven years ago.

3. the bride left her first husband for the groom about four years ago.

4. the bride has a daughter who is a lesbian.

5. the bride's lesbian daughter is "married" and she and her partner have a two year old daughter.

6. the bride's lesbian daughter's partner is pregnant.

7. the bf's ex-wife was at the wedding.

8. the bf's ex-wife and her boyfriend manned the guest book at the reception and were listed on the program as the "host and hostess".

9. the bf's ex-wife took a picture of the bf, her kids, my kids and i. i returned the favor and took a picture of her, her bf and the kids.

10. the bf's ex-wife stopped over and chatted with me for a bit, you could almost hear the strain of one hundred pairs of ears trying to catch what we were saying.

welcome to the twilight zone

in exactly 5 days, i will be participating in a wedding celebration that is straight out of the twilight zone. this is not an exaggeration. it is the absolute truth. here are the facts:

*the groom is the bf's father.
*the bride has three grown children.
*the groom has two children, including the bf.
*the bride has one grandchild, born of her lesbian daughter's "wife".
*the groom has two grandchildren, the bf's two sons.
*the wedding is quite large for a second wedding, with approximately 150 guests.

i have only been dating the bf for a smidge over a year. i do not know the bride or the groom all that well, really. we've had a few birthday dinners together, been to their home for a couple of holiday dinners, seen them at the boys' t-ball games a time or two.

now, for some of the very odd facts:

*the bride and groom rented a $137 tux for my three year old son to hand out programs.
*the bride requested that i purchase my five year old daughter a black and/or white dress, she will also be handing out programs.
*the bride requested that i purchase myself a black dress. this attire was requested so that i will fit into the black & white theme of their wedding and will match the rest of the party when "family" pictures are taken. (family? i'm not family, am i?)
*i can pretty much guarantee that the ex-wife and her boyfriend will be included in the family pictures. (i am not making this up, either)
*the bride and groom asked if i would take candid photos in addition to the professional photographer they have hired.
*last week, the bride asked me if i would be her personal attendant.
(yes, i am to be the personal attendant, a photographer, and also need to watch over my three and five year olds as they hand out programs.)

and now for the biggest kicker:
*the bf's ex-wife and her boyfriend are the host and hostess of the wedding. (no, i am not making this up.)

to say that i am dreading this affair is a major understatement. i have been trying to come up with some sort of near-fatal illness that will render me unable to fulfill my duties. lucky for me i did find a hot dress to wear in the event that i am unable to fabricate an excuse for my absense:



Dress: Ann Taylor, $98
Shoes: TBD, $59?
Hair: $75
Nails: $49
Attending your possible future father-in-law's wedding along with your bf's ex wife: Priceless.