scene: the kitchen table, ky and ko are coloring.
ky: when i get big like you momma, i'm going to have a girl. and i'm going to give her all kinds of nice girl stuff.
me: really? what if you have a boy?
ky: (thinking) i'll give him to my brother so he can give him lots of rockin boy stuff!
me: (shaking head and smothering a laugh what else can i do? and thinking...where the hell did she get the word "rockin"?)
7.31.2007
7.25.2007
baby abram update!
i finally got up the nerve to just CALL e tonight and see how things are going. i have issues with thinking i am bothering people, so i don't call, and then instead end up with the opposite effect of having them think i don't care about or am not thinking about them. which is definitely not the case. i'm such a freak sometimes! part of what i love about e is that she loves me anyway, freak-ness and all. and now i know that i need to call, and do it more often. and i will!
anyway, here's the important stuff: baby abram is supposed to get out of the hospital tomorrow. yay! he's not totally out of the woods yet and will still be on a feeding tube and numerous medications, but he'll be home! they found out that his problems were caused by a virus, which is actually a good thing. with proper care he will recover and probably not have any lingering effects from his illness. he is still a very sick baby but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i am so happy for them, and so relieved!
thanks to all of you who sent good wishes and prayers their way!!!!
anyway, here's the important stuff: baby abram is supposed to get out of the hospital tomorrow. yay! he's not totally out of the woods yet and will still be on a feeding tube and numerous medications, but he'll be home! they found out that his problems were caused by a virus, which is actually a good thing. with proper care he will recover and probably not have any lingering effects from his illness. he is still a very sick baby but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i am so happy for them, and so relieved!
thanks to all of you who sent good wishes and prayers their way!!!!
7.18.2007
baby abram
i got an unexpected, heartbreaking phone call this morning from my best friend in kansas city. i knew something was wrong as soon as i answered the phone. her voice sounded strained and exhausted. more strained and exhausted than even a new mommy should be feeling.
my initial instinct was right. somthing serious was going on. she was calling to tell me that her sweet little baby boy (about three months old) has been admitted to the hospital. they discovered that he has a serious heart condition. at this point the doctors are unsure of how he got sick. is it something genetic or viral? she mentioned that her sweet little baby may need a heart transplant, and that his chance of recovery is 30%. my heart broke when she said she was glad i was able to meet him, just in case...
i managed to remain fairly strong on the phone, but i was a mess when i hung up. i called the bf to tell him and i broke down. i can only imagine what she and her husband must be going though. i hate being this far away from her. i wish i could be there for her. i wish i could take away her pain. i wish i could tell her that everything is going to be alright. i wish i could fix that darling little boy and send him off for a normal, healthy life. my heart literally aches for them. they are experiencing every parent's worst nightmare.
i am scared. my heart is breaking. i feel helpless when i want so badly to be able to help. i don't know what to do. i want to be the best possible friend to her. i want to give her anything she needs. i want to make her baby well again. i want her to have her happy little family.
to be a mom is to walk around raw for the rest of your life. to be constantly aware of the dangers your child encounters on a regular basis, and of your powerlessness to protect them from most of it. we take it for granted when our children are healthy. we get mad at them for stupid things. we don't appreciate them. we wish they would hurry up and grow up already! we wish they would leave us the hell alone while we try and write on our blog!
life is short. sometimes it is way more short than we could have ever imagined.
i love you erin. i am praying harder than i have ever prayed before in my life. i am a million miles away but i am with you.
please God, PLEASE heal baby Abram.
my initial instinct was right. somthing serious was going on. she was calling to tell me that her sweet little baby boy (about three months old) has been admitted to the hospital. they discovered that he has a serious heart condition. at this point the doctors are unsure of how he got sick. is it something genetic or viral? she mentioned that her sweet little baby may need a heart transplant, and that his chance of recovery is 30%. my heart broke when she said she was glad i was able to meet him, just in case...
i managed to remain fairly strong on the phone, but i was a mess when i hung up. i called the bf to tell him and i broke down. i can only imagine what she and her husband must be going though. i hate being this far away from her. i wish i could be there for her. i wish i could take away her pain. i wish i could tell her that everything is going to be alright. i wish i could fix that darling little boy and send him off for a normal, healthy life. my heart literally aches for them. they are experiencing every parent's worst nightmare.
i am scared. my heart is breaking. i feel helpless when i want so badly to be able to help. i don't know what to do. i want to be the best possible friend to her. i want to give her anything she needs. i want to make her baby well again. i want her to have her happy little family.
to be a mom is to walk around raw for the rest of your life. to be constantly aware of the dangers your child encounters on a regular basis, and of your powerlessness to protect them from most of it. we take it for granted when our children are healthy. we get mad at them for stupid things. we don't appreciate them. we wish they would hurry up and grow up already! we wish they would leave us the hell alone while we try and write on our blog!
life is short. sometimes it is way more short than we could have ever imagined.
i love you erin. i am praying harder than i have ever prayed before in my life. i am a million miles away but i am with you.
please God, PLEASE heal baby Abram.
7.05.2007
7 or 8 or maybe 15 things about me...
okay, i was tagged by my old friend maurey for 8 things about me, and also by my friend worker mommy, for 7 things about me. i'm not sure i want to bore you all with 15 things or if i can even think of that many...so i'll go as far as i can. :)
1. i love to cook. really, truly love it. not baking so much, but cooking. i only wish i had more time to indulge my passion. i would LOVE to take cooking classes, or even just spend more time experimenting at home. but alas, when we get home at six o'clock the kids are ready to eat, NOW! and nothing fancy will do. mac-n-cheese is just fine with them, thanks. and so about once a month i get to really COOK something. it's not nearly enough, but maybe someday i will have more time! (ha!)
2. i am an avid reader. it's one of my favorite things to do. let me curl up with a good book and all of my troubles are gone, at least for a while! i read a pretty wide variety of books, and am currently reading a new one, "In search of Eden" by Linda Nichols. i like to get in reading time every night if i can, and have been doing a bit more while home with my little sickie this week. it's the only thing keeping me sane!
3. i love playing cards. for money. i especially love playing blackjack at the casino. there was a time when i won $700 doing so! in high school and into college we would get some wild and crazy games of cards going for dimes an nickels and such. no big money, but i loved the rush of winning. still do. but i avoid the casino and don't get into too many wild and crazy card games anymore. because while i love the rush of winning, i really can't afford the crash of losing.
4. i love water. oceans, lakes, rivers, ponds...give me water and i am peaceful and happy. not so much to be on the water, but just to be near it. i even named my dog for one of my "water loves". temperance. for the beautiful temperance river in northern mn. my favorite body of water so far is also here in the great state of minnesota: lake superior. i'd live there if i could. just being near it makes me feel good.
5. i curse. kind of a lot, sometimes. and piss-poor drivers bring out the worst in me. i forget myself. i forget my kids. and i SWEAR like a sailor! most of the time i am pretty good at hiding it. i only let loose around a few people. but those lucky souls really get an earful. my favorite cuss word? fucktard. as in: my fucktard neighbors were up at 3:00, shooting off loud ass firecrackers and waking up my kids.
6. i am a former pageant queen. okay, so my only pageant was a small-town event that i participated in only to please my father the city councilor and newspaper man. and i was only the runner-up. but i had to wear an effing wool kilt in small town parades all summer long. that should count for something, right?
7. i no longer speak to my father. it's not necessarily a conscious decision i made, but i haven't spoken to him in over six months. i didn't even call him on father's day. his birthday is tomorrow and i'm not calling him for that, either. i've only seen him once in the last two years. i used to be his favorite child of four. i did anything and everything he asked. i hauled his drunk ass everywhere. i even visited him while he was in jail for multiple dwi's. one day i finally woke up and said, enough! i am cutting this poison out of my life. (this may have been the day after he asked me for $10,000, because he knew i had just been divorced and had sold my house. because hey, what would a single mother starting all over need that money for anyway, right??)
8. i have two sisters and one half sister. i am the oldest. i have no brothers. i am semi-close to my two sisters, but at times feel like the odd man out. three's a crowd and all that. and i don't talk to my half sister very often anymore. she is 19 and is kind of a mess. i half-raised her ungrateful little ass, but she usually only contacts me when she needs something. i'm okay with it though, really. she's had a rough life. i'm there for her when i can be, and will continue to be there when i can.
9. i majored in social work in college. i thought i wanted to "help people." i was inspired by my half-sister's social worker years ago. i wanted to be like her, i wanted to "save" kids. i was in the field for two years, working with troubled kids. but their troubled existences only gave me flashbacks to my own tortured past, and i couldn't handle it anymore. so i quit, and i've rarely looked back. i'm about as far from that now as i can be, working in marketing. i still get to help people at times but it's not so personal, it's not going to ruin anyone's life if i screw up. and it's not going to eat at me after-hours at home. (most of the time, that is.)
10. i am a night-owl. although i have tried to force it out of myself in recent years, i have the most energy at night. i hate getting out of bed in the morning. i hate mornings. and afternoons? totally made for naps! but once the sun starts to go down i feel energized. i have finally gotten to the point though where i am ready for bed at 11:00. the bf is even more of a night-owl than me though, so i usually am up till midnight or so. and then i don't get enough sleep and am never ready to get up in the morning. i NEED my sleep. 8 hours is perfect. but i rarely get it. especially living with a man who thrives on 4-5 hours. still trying to get to a happy medium with that!
11. i am getting sick of myself now, so i think i'll sign off, even though i didn't make it to fifteen. i'm sure you'll get over it. in fact, you're probably breathing a sigh of relief right now, thinking..."thank God she is finally going to stop!"
casmee and rebecca, i'd love to know more about you if you have the time to write a lovely little meme with 7-8 interesting factoids about yourselves. everyone else, i think you've all been tagged, but if not, i'd love to read more about you too!
cheers!
1. i love to cook. really, truly love it. not baking so much, but cooking. i only wish i had more time to indulge my passion. i would LOVE to take cooking classes, or even just spend more time experimenting at home. but alas, when we get home at six o'clock the kids are ready to eat, NOW! and nothing fancy will do. mac-n-cheese is just fine with them, thanks. and so about once a month i get to really COOK something. it's not nearly enough, but maybe someday i will have more time! (ha!)
2. i am an avid reader. it's one of my favorite things to do. let me curl up with a good book and all of my troubles are gone, at least for a while! i read a pretty wide variety of books, and am currently reading a new one, "In search of Eden" by Linda Nichols. i like to get in reading time every night if i can, and have been doing a bit more while home with my little sickie this week. it's the only thing keeping me sane!
3. i love playing cards. for money. i especially love playing blackjack at the casino. there was a time when i won $700 doing so! in high school and into college we would get some wild and crazy games of cards going for dimes an nickels and such. no big money, but i loved the rush of winning. still do. but i avoid the casino and don't get into too many wild and crazy card games anymore. because while i love the rush of winning, i really can't afford the crash of losing.
4. i love water. oceans, lakes, rivers, ponds...give me water and i am peaceful and happy. not so much to be on the water, but just to be near it. i even named my dog for one of my "water loves". temperance. for the beautiful temperance river in northern mn. my favorite body of water so far is also here in the great state of minnesota: lake superior. i'd live there if i could. just being near it makes me feel good.
5. i curse. kind of a lot, sometimes. and piss-poor drivers bring out the worst in me. i forget myself. i forget my kids. and i SWEAR like a sailor! most of the time i am pretty good at hiding it. i only let loose around a few people. but those lucky souls really get an earful. my favorite cuss word? fucktard. as in: my fucktard neighbors were up at 3:00, shooting off loud ass firecrackers and waking up my kids.
6. i am a former pageant queen. okay, so my only pageant was a small-town event that i participated in only to please my father the city councilor and newspaper man. and i was only the runner-up. but i had to wear an effing wool kilt in small town parades all summer long. that should count for something, right?
7. i no longer speak to my father. it's not necessarily a conscious decision i made, but i haven't spoken to him in over six months. i didn't even call him on father's day. his birthday is tomorrow and i'm not calling him for that, either. i've only seen him once in the last two years. i used to be his favorite child of four. i did anything and everything he asked. i hauled his drunk ass everywhere. i even visited him while he was in jail for multiple dwi's. one day i finally woke up and said, enough! i am cutting this poison out of my life. (this may have been the day after he asked me for $10,000, because he knew i had just been divorced and had sold my house. because hey, what would a single mother starting all over need that money for anyway, right??)
8. i have two sisters and one half sister. i am the oldest. i have no brothers. i am semi-close to my two sisters, but at times feel like the odd man out. three's a crowd and all that. and i don't talk to my half sister very often anymore. she is 19 and is kind of a mess. i half-raised her ungrateful little ass, but she usually only contacts me when she needs something. i'm okay with it though, really. she's had a rough life. i'm there for her when i can be, and will continue to be there when i can.
9. i majored in social work in college. i thought i wanted to "help people." i was inspired by my half-sister's social worker years ago. i wanted to be like her, i wanted to "save" kids. i was in the field for two years, working with troubled kids. but their troubled existences only gave me flashbacks to my own tortured past, and i couldn't handle it anymore. so i quit, and i've rarely looked back. i'm about as far from that now as i can be, working in marketing. i still get to help people at times but it's not so personal, it's not going to ruin anyone's life if i screw up. and it's not going to eat at me after-hours at home. (most of the time, that is.)
10. i am a night-owl. although i have tried to force it out of myself in recent years, i have the most energy at night. i hate getting out of bed in the morning. i hate mornings. and afternoons? totally made for naps! but once the sun starts to go down i feel energized. i have finally gotten to the point though where i am ready for bed at 11:00. the bf is even more of a night-owl than me though, so i usually am up till midnight or so. and then i don't get enough sleep and am never ready to get up in the morning. i NEED my sleep. 8 hours is perfect. but i rarely get it. especially living with a man who thrives on 4-5 hours. still trying to get to a happy medium with that!
11. i am getting sick of myself now, so i think i'll sign off, even though i didn't make it to fifteen. i'm sure you'll get over it. in fact, you're probably breathing a sigh of relief right now, thinking..."thank God she is finally going to stop!"
casmee and rebecca, i'd love to know more about you if you have the time to write a lovely little meme with 7-8 interesting factoids about yourselves. everyone else, i think you've all been tagged, but if not, i'd love to read more about you too!
cheers!
7.03.2007
it's five o'clock somewhere...
right? so it shouldn't matter that i am having a wine cooler for lunch today?
i am at home. and i am dealing with kid puke. and i have to scrub the kitchen floor shortly due to the fact that said child puked on it.
I think i'm justified, right?
bottoms up!
i am at home. and i am dealing with kid puke. and i have to scrub the kitchen floor shortly due to the fact that said child puked on it.
I think i'm justified, right?
bottoms up!
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