weary

on nights like this, i miss you, my dear old blog. sitting here alone in the dark, crying over the state of life and so wanting to pour my heart out. my new blog is too public for me to do that.

i know this feeling of being alone will pass, or at least the severity of it will. i am lonely but yet i don't want to be around anyone, don't even want to talk to anyone, really.

maybe i just need to sit here and cry. let it all out and get rid of it. i can't afford for this to take me over. right now i am just so tired, and feeling hopeless, and not sure where to go next. it's funny how even at 31 i can lose my confidence and lose my way...reduced to a child yet again.

i know, this too shall pass, but right now it is piercing my heart, and it really hurts.

is anyone really color blind?

unless you live in a hole in the ground, you have heard about the shootings at virginia tech earlier this week. you also probably know that the madman responsible for it all was south korean. not that his race should matter. but this is america, and even though we like to pretend it doesn't, race does matter, doesn't it?

in case you haven't gathered this from previous posts and or pictures, the bf is asian. he is originally from south korea and was adopted by his caucasian parents and brought to the u.s. at about age 5. (no one is sure of his exact age, his adopted parents were told his approximate age and then picked his birth date for him.)

last night my kids went over to visit their dad for a couple of hours after daycare. this morning at the breakfast table, my little darlings were talking about something they had seen on tv last night.

ky: "there was this guy on tv, and he hurt all these people and made some of them die. and he looked just like you, N!"

first, kids ages 3 and 5 should not be watching the news in my opinion. there are things that they just don't need to be exposed to or be worrying about yet. the tv is almost never on in my home. the only time the kids watch it is when american idol is on, or maybe on a rainy day when i put in an age-appropriate movie for them.

second, how does a five year old come up with that? the gunman really didn't look much like the bf at all, except for them both being asian. if the guy had been white, would she have said "that guy looked just like my dad!" i think not.

third, as a parent, how do i teach my child not to see race? or discriminate based on race? and how do i do this when last night, at the grocery store, there was a scrawny little asian guy behind me in line. and he did look sort of like the gunman at virginia tech. and it crossed my mind, that he looked like that guy. and i was ashamed.

the real meaning of easter

easter=eggs


















right?

mcdonalds rules the world

ahh...the glorious happy meal. the 500+ calorie, 25 grams of fat convenience food of which our children are so fond. as american as apple pie and baseball. tonight, i have given in to the lure of the easy meal. my children are sitting at the table right now, eating mcnuggets to their hearts' content. although i doubt their hearts are actually content. they are probably working overtime and pissed as hell.



i have a love-hate relationship with the happy meal. i hate mcdonalds. hate. it. i especially hate their supid commericals. by the time she was two my daughter would sing the little "baa baa baa" ditty every time she caught a glimpse of the golden arches. probably before she could even say mamma. actually, i'm pretty sure it was before she said mamma. and i don't think she had ever even eaten there.

the marketing machine that is mcdonald's rules the world and most of us don't even know it. we are oblivious. until something like this happens:







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ronald mcdonald. the most recognized figure in america. i rest my case.